She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
