Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
