I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
