It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
