DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
