Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
