I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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