her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
