I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
