I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
