Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
