You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
