I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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