We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
