Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
