You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
