I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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