I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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