What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
