accomplished twins. life is a go
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
me + whiskey = a bad person
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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