she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
