So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
