how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
