Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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