No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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