ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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