dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
