we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
