you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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