I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
