Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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