Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
