M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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