Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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