dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
