I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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