Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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