I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
