where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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