My cat gives me a boner
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
