you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
