She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
