I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
