I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
