first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
