the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
