If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
