I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
