my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
