I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
